Little Red Riding Hiei
by Citizen Cobalt 1
Summary: Hiei is babysitting and has to tell them a story. Kurama helps. Parody. KuramaHiei. Yaoi
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I don't own YYH. This was just something that I thought up and decided to write. I hope you enjoy it. There is yaoi in here. KuramaxHiei.

/ some one is speaking or doing something outside the story.

"Once upon a time, there was a lovely princess. Her name was Rapunzel. She was the most beautiful baby in all the land and people came from miles around to see her. But a witch lived in the woods nearby, and heard about the baby. She became angry because no one paid any attention to her anymore...And I'm not reading anymore of this!"

Hiei slammed the book shut and glared at the two children curled up beside him. "How can you listen to this crap?" He demanded.

The girl, Natoya, lifted her crimson eyes and stared at Hiei with a look of mixed horror. Tears began to well up and Hiei felt a stab of guilt.

"Daddy reads them to us," she whispered and pulled the blankets up over her head. Hiei sighed and picked up another book, "Would you like me to read you a different one?" he glanced at the cover, "Cin-der-ella?"

"No!" The other child, a miniature replica of Hiei, jumped out of the bed and raced over to the second bookshelf. He hopped up onto the top shelf, which was about five feet off the ground, and pulled out a large book.

"Read this one!" Hiei frowned as he saw the cover. It was covered in those strange things that humans drove. What were they called...cars?

"Trans-for-mers?" Hiei stared at him. "What kind of book is that?"

"It's about a large group of vehicles from another planet that can transform into humanoid robots, Hiei." Kurama stepped into the room with an air of amusement. Hiei glared at him before he held out his hand for the book. The boy, who goes by the name of Shio, zipped down off the shelf and plopped the book in Hiei's lap, ignoring his outstretched hand. He then snuggled up beside Hiei.

"Okay, Transformers."

"No! Nononononononono!" Natoya threw the blankets off and glared at her brother, "We're not going to listen to stupid Transformers! Read Cinderella, Uncle Hiei!"

Kurama snickered as Hiei groaned, "Why doesn't Uncle Hiei tell you a story? He's very good at it."

Hiei's crimson eyes flickered towards Kurama in a murderous stare, "I. Don't. Make. Up. Stories." He hissed.

"Yeah! Uncle Hiei! Tell us a story!"

Hiei closed his eyes and counted to ten. Very slowly. He then growled and sent Kurama a look that promised pain.

"Fine. I'll tell you a story." Hiei gathered the two children into his lap and sighed.

"Once upon a time, there was a...demon. Yes, a very smart, handsome, brave, and charming demon. His name was...let's forget the name."

"But _Uncle_ Hiei! Demons need names!"

"Shut up Kurama. This one doesn't. Now, this demon lived with a very sweet girl named Yukina. One day, er, she made a bunch of cookies and...uh...told him to take them to poor sick Genkai."

Natoya's eyes widened, "Did he where a pretty red cloak?"

Hiei paused, "No. He wore a black one. An-"

Kurama cut in, "Actually, in this land it was more common for male demons to wear dresses. School girl dresses."

Hiei stared at Kurama with wide eyes before he regained his composure.

"Pretty dresses? Have you ever worn a dress, Uncle Hiei?"

Kurama grinned at Hiei, who looked ready to choke, "No. Do you want me to tell you the story or not?"

Kurama sat down in the doorway and smiled. This would be interesting.

Once upon a time, in a distant corner of the Makai, there lived a group of demons known as ice maidens. And one male fire demon. But he was part ice maiden so it didn't really matter. He was a very smart, strong, brave, handsome, and charming demon.

/"Some one's full of himself," Kurama muttered./

Now, since everyone else in that part of the Makai were female, the fire demon wore clothing like them as he did not know any better. He lived in a small...cottage by the edge of the forest with his sister, Yukina.

/"Why is his sister named Yukina?" Natoya asked. Hiei's eyebrow twitched. "It just is."/

Now, one day his sister baked a large batch of muffins and told Hiei to take them to poor sick Genkai.

"Why the hell do I have to take them?" Hiei grumbled.

Yukina smiled sweetly at him, "Please, Hiei? I still have to make lunch. If you hurry, you could be back in time. I'm baking chocolate chip cookies for dessert."

Hiei didn't waste any time grabbing the basket and zipping out the door.

"Hiei! Wait!" Hiei stuck his head in through the window, "What?"

"I made a new dress for you!" Yukina held it up and Hiei blinked.

"A school girl uniform?"

Yukina nodded and beckoned him back inside, "I saw it in a magazine that Kana brought back from the Ningenkai! Here! Try it on!"

Hiei sighed and grabbed the clothing, "Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't be wearing this," he mumbled as he put on the skirt. Once finished Yukina nodded in approval.

"Isn't it cute?" Yukina gushed as she straightened the small bow on the front.

Hiei sighed, "Yes, Yukina. Can I go now?"

Yukina nodded and Hiei grabbed the basket and zipped out through the door, down the path, and into the woods.

"Don't forget! Be careful and don't talk to any strangers!" Yukina called after him.

Now, also in that corner of the Makai lived a kitsune. A very mean, deceitful, ugly, and full of himself kitsune. /"That's mean, Hiei."/ His name was Kurama. He happened to be out for his morning stroll when he noticed a pretty little girl zipping along the path. He, being of a very curious and lecherous nature, decided to investigate.

"Why hello! Where are you off to on this fine morning?"

"Hn. None of your damn business."

Kurama blinked, "That's rather impolite. Little girls shouldn't talk like that."

The...girl...glared at him, "I am not a girl." He spat.

Kurama blinked again, "Really? You're a boy?" He strolled up to him and grabbed his chin with one hand. "By Inari. I guess you are!" He smirked, "What's your name?"

The pretty demon jerked his chin out of Kurama's grip and backed up, "My name is of no importance to you."

"I think it is," Kurama grinned as he stalked the demon, "After all, it's not often I find a male demon wearing a dress. Unless..." he paused, "You're trying to impress me. Really, you don't have to go to so much trouble over little ol' me."

Hiei raised an eyebrow, "Little?" The kitsune was about 6'5, and that was gigantic when compared to Hiei's 5' nothing.

Kurama smirked, "I guess I'm not very little, am I? I'm actually...quite large." He leaned in closer, "Would you like a closer look?"

Hiei tried to back away further but gulped when he found himself against the trunk of a tree. Kurama noticed his predicament and backed away from him. He couldn't have his little creature getting too frightened, now could he?

"So, where are you off to?" he asked in a conversational tone.

"Will you leave me alone if I tell you?" Kurama thought about it for a minute, "No. But if you tell me your name _and _where you're going, I won't follow you."

"My name is Hiei and I'm going to Genkai's house to bring her some muffins."

"Where is Genkai's house?"

"I thought you were leaving."

"Not till you tell me where it is."

Hiei sighed, "It's down this path past the oak tree and twenty feet past the lilac grove. Are you happy now?"

Kurama grinned and stepped forward again. His right hand landed on Hiei's leg as he bent down to be on eye level with Hiei., "Yep. How about I go with you? Once you're finished delivering your muffins we could fuck in her back yard."

Hiei blushed furiously, "No, that's okay. I'm sure I can make it there on my own."

Kurama's hand began to wander, sliding up under the hem of Hiei's skirt. "Are you sure? It isn't safe for one to wander these roads. There are many demons who would take advantage of a pretty little thing like you."

Hiei gave a small yelp as Kurama's clawed hand slid up his inner thigh, "N-no! I'll be fine!" Hiei slapped Kurama's other hand away as it sought to join its partner. He reached down, jerked the kitsune's hand out, and raced away towards Genkai's house.

/Hiei glared at Kurama, "Don't tell them that! They're children!" Kurama shrugged, "Your story was boring. I livened it up a bit."/

Kurama frowned as the demon got away from him, "Damn. I hate it when they resist me like that."

/"No I don't!" Insisted Kurama./

Kurama sighed, "Well, I guess I'll have to resort to trickery to get my way." He paused for a moment, "Yeah!"

Hi people. I don't know if I am allowed to do this but to those of you who like yaoi, go to and look up Spontaneity. It is a really good fic. Funny, too. As I also said in another chapter, Tight Rope by Flamika is a great fanfic! I think I may be getting obssessed...Anyways, please review, flames will be laughed at but constructive criticism is fine.


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I don't own YYH! I do, however, own Shio! I don't own James Bond. Muahahahahahahahaaaa!!!!

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"Hello little children!…Wait, scratch that! Hello adult people! When we last left off, Hiei had just brutally injured poor Kurama and had sped away into the forest! Woe to the man who irritates this little ball of fire!…Did that sound cheesy? Yeah…Ok, on with the story!"

Hiei grumbled under his breath as he jogged along the path to Genkai's house. His life sucked. It really did. Why did he have to be the one to be harassed by the mother of all perverted idiots?

"Where the hell am I?" He stopped and stared blankly at the path in front of him. For some reason, he did not recall the path ever going off a cliff before. It was a good thing he had slowed to a stop, otherwise he would have run right off.

"Shit. I must be lost."

"Oh! Woe to the man who irritates this little ball of fire! Even now, as he finds himself lost in the forest, with numerous creatures all vying for a chunk of his flesh, our little Hiei carries on!" Hiei turned to the source of the voice, and found am attractive young man sitting on a log next to him.

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STORY BREAK!

"What? Were the hell did that come in?" Hiei glared furiously at Kurama, who held up his hands defensively.

"I didn't put that in."

"Then who did?!"

"Uncle Shio!!!" Natoya and little Shio launched their tiny bodies out from under the covers and tackled the petite demon who had entered through the open window.

"Shio." Kurama said respectively over the children's shrieks. The attractive demon on the floor was about Hiei's height, but of a slightly more slender build. His dark eyes were focused on the Natoya, who was busy tugging on his long silver braid.

"Hn."

"Good evening to you, too!" Shio picked up the children and tossed them back onto the bed before he sat down next to Hiei.

"So, you're telling the kids a story?" He asked excitedly. "Mind if I join in?"

"Can we stop you?" Hiei asked. Shio shook his head and Hiei sighed.

"Hn."

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Hiei glared at the young man who was sitting on the log.

"Who the hell are you?" He growled. The silver hair and confident smirk reminded him too much of a certain someone, and he had had quite enough of a certain someone for one day.

"I'm the awesome guy with the lute who shows up randomly throughout the entire story and sometimes gives you good advice, of course!" The young man whipped out a stringed instrument and rested it across his lap.

"Hn?"

"You may call me…Bond. James Bond."

"James Bond?" The young man broke down into laughter when Hiei said that.

"_You're making fun of me, aren't you?" Hiei glared at Shio, who raised his hands in defense. Beside him, Kurama was muffling laughter._

"_I'm not! Really! Just call the new character James Bond!"_

"_Why not just call yourself Shio?"_

"_Because James Bond is cooler. And hot. And cool. And hot." _

"_I am not saying that. It sounds ridiculous."_

"_Says you! You're wearing a dress in this!"_

"_Hn!"_

"_Fine! _

"Shio. My name is Shio." The demon plucked a few notes on the lute.

"Where the hell am I?" Hiei demanded. Shio stopped plucking the strings and pulled a ruler out of his sleeve. He tossed it on the ground between them and stared at it intently for a few seconds.

"You are…about 4 feet and 2 inches away from me." He looked up from the ruler and found that he was wrong, Hiei was much closer!

"Ack!" Hiei's grip on his throat was sure going to leave marks.

"Ever been beaten up by a boy in a dress?" Hiei hissed. Shio shook his head and Hiei jerked him closer.

"You're about to be."

"Whaaaaaaa-Hold it!" Hiei's fist stopped a few inches away from Shio's nose.

"What?"

"What's that? Behind you!" Shio pointed frantically to the area behind Hiei and the short demon glared at him.

"You think I'm going to fall for that?"

"No! Seriously!" Shio pointed frantically at the small vine that was slowly inching its way up Hiei's leg.

"Shut up!" The vine was suspicious enough, but the pair of silver fox ears sticking up behind the bushes was making Shio very suspicious.

"No! There really is a-!"

RIIIIIIIIIIIIIP!!! Hiei yelped and jumped away from Shio as the adventurous little vine tore a large strip off the back of his already extremely short skirt.

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"Score!" Kurama whispered as he caught a glimpse of black lacy underwear. His plan was gold! Now, if only he could get the rest of the skirt off…

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"What the fuck?!" Shio's eyebrows shot up as he watched Hiei twist around, trying to pull the ripped skirt low enough to cover his underwear. Yeah, it wasn't working.

"YOKO KURAMA!!!" Hiei screamed as he ripped the vine off his leg. "I am going to kill you!!!"

"Umm…nice lace?" Shio offered weakly as he plucked a few more strings on the lute. He gulped when Hiei's murderous red gaze settled on him.

"You…this is your fault!"

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STORY BREAK!

"And then little red riding hood leapt on the annoying lute player, ripped him into tiny, bite-sized pieces, roasted him, and ate him with A1 sauce." Hiei finished smugly. To his left, Shio made a noise of discontentment.

"You can't kill me!" He protested.

"You can't play the lute!"

"That is not nearly on the scale of you killing me!" Shio shot back.

"So?"

"Killing him was rather uncalled for," Kurama interrupted.

"Yeah. What about Kurama? He ripped your dress!" Hiei sputtered indignantly.

"It's little red riding hood who's wearing the dress!" He paused for a second. "You're right. Kurama! You are an awful, perverted demon who should not have any say in a children's story!"

"I was making it interesting!"

"Pervert!" Hiei snapped. "How can you think such horrible thoughts!?"

"You didn't mind last night!"

"No one wants to hear about that!"

"I do!" They both turned to glare at Shio, who visibly shrank. "Sorry."

"ENOUGH!!!" Everyone froze as Natoya screamed. They all turned to stare at the five year old girl who was standing on the bed and glaring fiercely at them.

"Natoya?" Kurama said.

"We want to hear the rest of the story!" She yelled at them. "Now stop arguing and tell us the story!!!"

"…Hn." Hiei settled down next to Kurama.

"Very well, Natoya."

"Fine." Shio sighed.

"Prick." Hiei muttered.

"Bite me." Shio retorted.

"Quiet, you two." Kurama said as he prepared to continue with the story of the red cloaked, or black in this story, little demon by the name of Little red(black) Riding Hood.

TBC…

That is not the last chapter, never fear. I just realized that maybe I should add a little bit to this story while I was busy working on my other story. I wrote this in about 30 minutes, so don't wonder at the shortness. Please review, and I don't like flames, so don't bother. I have the next two chapters of Homicidal Urges planned out, so hopefully I will actually get around to typing them.


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